Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The memories that are so good they hurt

My brother's moving into the apartment complex I used to live in. The same building in fact. We're helping him move in and the memories it's bringing back are so vivid. I miss the old times so much it hurts. The last time I felt like this was when I was a child and we moved out of state, from Massachusetts to New York, and then again from New York to Massachusetts.

The thing that was so wonderful at this apartment complex was all my close friends. Two of my best friends lived there. Single moms like me. Our kids played together. We walked around the circle together for exercise. We babysat for each other. We had meals together. We hung out at the pool together. We showed up randomly at each other's apartment and hung out, listening to music, reading books, just talking. And at night we would talk on the phone! God, I miss those days!

My son was so happy there. The apartment complex was a community set apart from the rest of the neighborhood/world, so I felt comfortable letting my young son wonder the neighborhood. He had so many close, close friends. They played together non-stop. They played make-believe games constantly. They explored the woods. Just like the childhood a kid is supposed to have.

When I visited the neighborhood and passed the apartments that our close friends used to live in it was painful; I missed them so much. Some we keep in touch with. Some we don't. But regardless, it's not the same. I know I'm looking back through rose colored glasses. I know it was so hard at the time. I was a single mom. At the same time, it was a special time, just me and Brandon and baby Wolfie. Us against the world.

When we moved everything was starting to change. A lot of our friends had moved out. The neighborhood, it seemed, was starting to go downhill. I was dying to get out of there. So, even though I wish I were back, I know it wouldn't be the same. (Although, with my brother, sister in law and niece or nephew it might be pretty close)

I hope I can remember the current times with the same painful happiness. I feel like I understand what an elderly person in a nursing home must feel. Its a sad, cold, hard feeling. I, at least, have family and friends now whom I love and enjoy. But the older folks are often so lonely. When I get old I want to live with my kids til the day I die. The way I raise them, this isn't the burden that maybe you imagine it is, as you read this. In my family we all care for each other. I want to live side by side even after they get married. I want to watch my grand-kids while their parents work. I want to eat together. It would be a natural progressiong for them to care for me as I age, just like I want to care for my parents when they age.

I have digressed (severely) from the topic of this post. Forgive me. But I guess the lesson is just how important relationships are and how blessed we are to have them.

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