Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Sunday, May 04, 2008

HOW TO: make parenting complicated

I am blessed that God has given me four babies. I am thankful and hope for more in the future. The main reason I am able to consider having such a big family is because I've taken a "natural" approach to childrearing. Really. The way people raise babies these days is far more difficult than need be. Modern parenting is a How To in making your life more complicated. For example:

Sleep deprivation:
Make sure you put your baby in a separate bed from the day he is born. Since he has spent the first nine months attached to you he'll feel alone and scared. He'll wake up frequently, causing you sleep deprivation for months, ney, years later. Don't consider actually sleeping with your baby. A position which would be a constant comfort to him, making feedings easily accessible, and natural breathing regulator.

Feeding: Make feeding as complicated as possible. Worry about sterilization of bottles and the less than nutritious breast-milk replacement. Force yourself out of bed (or a complicated pre-bed routine) to feed the baby at night. As the child gets older buy expensive baby food or spend hours making your own instead of supplementing your breast milk with table scraps from your own plate.

Bathing: Scare your newborn by placing him naked and alone in a bath. Don't bring him into the bath and shower with you where he will peacefully enjoy the water while being cradled in your arms, staring in your eyes with adoration.

Traveling: Make all escapades a really big expedition requiring large amount of baby stuff. Even though your baby will do fine with just an extra diaper and some wipes and your breasts, make sure you bring half the nursery with you.

Baby holders: Buy all sorts of contraptions to hold your baby. They'll not only be expensive but take up tons of room and difficult to bring with you if you go anywhere. All of these things could be replaced by a simple sling, but that piece of cloth, which held babies in most previous generations, is not complicated enough for modern parents. Or you could just hold your baby with your loving arms, knowing that this stage should be cherished and will be gone before you know it.



  • At 4:17 PM, Anonymous Dana said…

    I did not think I could leave a comment since I am not on blogger- but it looks like I can.
    TeeHee this post made me giggle. As I try to talk Mr J into a kiddo- I keep on saying that it isn't all that expensive the way I do it, but then he brings up college and I cannot argue that one.

  • At 8:43 PM, Blogger mommyandlily said…

    :D Very funny, Deena! (and isn't it the truth?!)

  • At 9:08 PM, Blogger Maggie said…

    So true! Natural and simple is the way to go! Makes things easier and is better for baby. :)


  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger Deena said…

    For the record, I don't judge/hate on anyone who does those things. I just think it's slightly more difficult. And if you're doing all of those things... jeepers, I'd be too exhausted to have another baby.

    I realize that writing it in satire form makes it a little more offensive. I only wrote it that way because writing a "how to parent naturally" comes out like a boooooring list. :)

  • At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well said! People often comment "I wish I'd had one of those when my baby was little" when they see me wearing my sling. I enjoy the incredulous looks I get when I inform them that we don't even own a stroller. And they wonder why my babe is so happy. :-)


  • At 9:00 PM, Blogger mama said…

    Hi just found your blog by googling household shortcuts!:) I agree! It need not be so complicated! I have 8 by the way:)


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