Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Expounding on Grace Based Discipline

Some other principals of Grace Based Discipline:

Tomato Staking
The most important part of Grace Based Discipline is spending enormous amounts of time with them, modeling good behavior, and creating a relationship of respect. This is especially the key during the teenage years as they start taking more responsibility and making decisions for themselves. Adolescence is when GBD starts to separate itself from punitive discipline -which is about forcing a child to do what you think is right. GBD is about teaching a child to decide for himself what is right.


Set them up for success.
The other day when I lost it with my little 3 year olds, this is what I didn't do. If I had been on my game I should have sat them in the kitchen, next to me, with some crayons and paper. I know they would have happily colored, but instead I just let them loose in the livingroom where they inevitably found the loudest, messiest activities.


Natural Consequences
Punishment should always be a natural consequence to an action, as opposed to an artificial one like spanking. For instance a child who has stolen would have to pay back the money. A child who makes a mess would have to clean it (with you, if they are too young to do it themselves).

"Time outs", in the punitive sense, are not a natural consequence, but if you or your child is having big emotions that preclude them from being with other people a "time out" until you calm down is definitely called for. A "time out" was exactly what I needed the other day when I lost my temper. For a child who is out of control, you can explain to them that they are not being punished but they need to be in a separate place until they calm down- at which point they are free.

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