Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Friday, March 23, 2007

I've decided...

The feminists of the 60's and 70's proclaimed that women could have it all. I'm thankful for the opportunities I now have as a woman, but the woman of my generation have learned from the mistakes of those women. My mother used to say "You can have it all, but not at the same time". I agree with her, but the cold hard truth is... we can't have it all. I've really struggled with this balance of decisions because my biggest aspiration in life was to have six kids and homeschool them and pour my life into molding them into decent human beings. But two years ago I knew I had to go back to school and work because of the insecurity I felt from my husband. Since then, he has proved himself to be a wonderful father to his kids and he's starting to learn to do what I did around the house. So I'm getting more comfortable with getting an education and making a career, knowing that my kids have the warmth of a father to turn to, if not me.

My biggest passion and curiosity has always been medicine/the body. And truth be told, I've always thought my dream job would be epidemiology (or Surgeon General), but I've never allowed myself to even consider being a Doctor because I know in my heart I cannot pursue that dream and my motherhood dreams in the same lifetime. And if I had to choose I would have chosen the six children.

However, I'm hitting a turning point. It started last week with the post about my frustration in nursing school. I've been thinking about what it would take to really pursue my dream of being a Doctor and I've decided to just go for it. Sadly that will mean I can't homeschool six kids... but I will come as close as I can to fulfilling the mommy goals too.

I have to tell you, once I "decided" I was going for my MD, and told my husband, it was the most freeing thing. I laugh more easily now. I openly praise God for the weather. I feel lighter. Something opened up inside me when I allowed the real me to come out.

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