Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Acknowledging feelings in a fight

Acknowledging feelings. It seems like such psychobabble. But I've tried it and it actually works. I guess there's something about the human condition that creates a need to be understood and sympathised with. (Side note: that's why, in my opinion the saddest tragedies are the ones that happen to people who get no sympathy for their plight, like the woman who lost three of her babies. The first to SIDS and the next set of twins to possible roll over death. A very sad story...) I digress. Today my husband and I got in a fight. It kept escalating until I tried acknowleging each others feelings. Since he's new to this I made him repeat after me my feeling and then I summed up his by myself. Amazingly it worked. It totally squashed the fight. There was nothing more we felt we needed to say. We felt understood. Here is basically what we said:

Timmy: "You're disappointed because we don't spend much time together during the week and you were looking forward to hanging out with me today. I was wrong not to give you some warning that I would be working today."

Me: "You're mad because you've got all these financial burdens and you are going to work today to try to pay the electric bill and you feel like you're the only one who is shouldering the burdon."

So did that solve our problems? No, but the fight was over and we weren't even mad any more. It was like magic.

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2 Comments:

  • At 5:45 PM, Blogger Ben Meyer said…

    Who is whom? Who went to work?

     
  • At 8:21 PM, Blogger Deena said…

    Timmy went to work. I was disappointed that we didn't spend the day together. (It's Sunday)

     

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