Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Husband above children?

It is a common Christian belief that the "marriage relationship" is above all others in the family. I've bought into that belief myself even though there were times it just didn't seem right to me and I couldn't put my finger on it, but I ran across an article at that NAILED it. It is by Rebecca Prewet if you want to look it up.

Let me clarify by saying that I agree with the statement that the best thing you can do for your kids is to love thier father\mother. But there are some "Christian" beliefs that circulate around the Christian community at large that just are not true. For instance it is sometime said that new parents should go out on a date every week as a way to put their marriage first. (Dr. Dobson preaches this). This seems ridiculous to me, that you have to leave your newborn child to get alone time with your mate to maintain a healthy marriage.

The truth is that a family is an ever morphing group of loved ones. Everyone is always a different age, no one is ever in the same phase of life for very long. Sometimes one of the family requires more energy than the others. Sometimes the marriage is the focus of the family and sometimes it is the sick child or the newborn baby. As long as your love for each other remains healthy and strong I don't see one relationship taking precedent over the others in a family.

A similar misguided belief is to "present a united front" to the children. This is usually in reference to discipline. I have to disagree with this statement too because it's important to step in when a spouse over reacts. Lets face it, we all lose our temper and over react sometimes. And in the case of a person who is borderline- or full on abusive, it's obviously, important for the spouse to stand up to that. So there are some Christian messages that very much undermine the fight against domestic violence.



  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    way to go, Deena! I agree children should be encouraged to witness what a good couple does. (except the bed part)


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