Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Monday, August 15, 2005

Everybody's growing up!

Two of my best friends simultaneously got engaged this weekend! (Not to each other). [Ruth Fulwider and Danielle Morin] I am so happy for them! A number of the kids I grew up with are getting engaged/married/having babies. It's very exciting. Since I became a wife and mother at 18 I was sort of ahead of the crowd. I've been waiting a LONG time to share this joy with friends. I get to be matron of honor for Ruth. :) I've never been in a wedding party and I'm SO looking forward to it. I can't wait to throw her a bachelorette party (something clean; don't worry Chester). Like I said, I was 18 when I got married. My bridesmaids didn't have a CLUE. They didn't throw any parties for me. It didn't really matter. I'm just saying, that's how young they were too.

It would have been lonely if none of my friends had kids all this time. But like everyone else, I made new friends too. Church is a great place to meet other families. And my husband's family is loaded with kids, and young parents. His sister was married and pregnant at 16! (In that order). I say it was an arranged marriage, but she claims that she "picked" him. It was somewhere in the middle of the two. Their marriage is a very good one. I think arranged marriages are awesome. I am always jokingly offering to arrange marriages between my boys and other young girls. I couldn't in this society though. And I suppose I should be very grateful that my husband bucked the pressure and picked me. I know there were lines of families waiting to arrange a marriage between him and their daughter.

My little brother married young too. Forgive me Ben, I can't remember exactly how old you were. 21? (You can add the age at the comments). I'm happy he found the love of his life young. That's how it should be. His is a romantic story, he went to the prom with his future wife.

I don't like how people are waiting longer and longer for marriage. This naturally throws off child bearing ages too, and you know how I feel about that. Is it the men who are shirking responsibility? Or is it the women too - wanting to climb the corporate ladder? I don't know. I think kids just go with the flow- it's expected of them to graduate high school, go to college, maybe a masters degree, start their career, buy a house, AND THEN get married. That puts them in mid thirtys when they tie the knot. That's awfully late. People should think through their life, rather then just letting it happen.

I've told my boys that I hope they get married young and make me lots of grandbabies. Having done it myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus I've told them "No sex with anyone but your wife." I'm not naive about the hormones of teenage boys. I'd rather they marry young then screw around. Of course my eight year old loves to remind me that I had sex before marriage. (He was born six months before we got married). I just laugh and tell him that he doesn't have to make the same mistakes I did.


  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger Ben Meyer said…

    I was 19 when we got engaged and 21 when we got married. Marring when you get older has advantages too. In theory you have money in the bank, some savings for retiriment, and a steady income. On the negative side by the time you marry both you and your significant other have already bought full houses. You have duplicate furniture, kitchenware, videos, electronic equipment, etc. Also you don't get to experience a lot of adventures of being twenty together before having kids. Course if you marry real young there is a good chance that you both still have to mature a little bit.

  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger Beth said…

    I think you're right.

    I also think the postponement of the age in marriage now, causes more problems with society... more people living together first, doing 'test-marriages', more permiscuity in the waiting period, etc.

    And I also heard recently from a co-worker (female - divorced) that she's discovered the longer one lives apart or alone, the harder it is to change that or to commit to someone else and their flaws. Some truth to that.

    I think the problem with the age of marriage getting higher and higher is the risk in accepting someone's else's burdens and a life before you, mistaken relationships etc... whereas those who marry young, live that life and those adventures, burdens and lessons together.. and learn together. There's less baggage to bring on board into a relationship, and people are less critical of the unknown... because you grow into it together.

    just some thoughts.
    from recent experience...

    b :)

  • At 10:54 AM, Blogger Bruce said…

    I like how you normalize the problem that your eight year old referred to. A lot of parents feel bad about their youthful indiscretions and think that they can't say anything to their kids because of it. Like the antidrug ad says, "You're the parent." I stayed away from some serious wrongdoing in college just because my dad told me to stay away from it.

    And oh, a typo, of the "eats, shoots and leaves" variety. "I'd rather they marry young then screw around." You probably mean:
    "I'd rather they marry young THAN screw around."

    I'm glad you and Ben were confident about marriage being a good thing, so that you didn't have to sort that out before you considered getting married. Most other kids have mixed feelings about marriage, I think.


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