Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Friday, June 17, 2005


If you live in America and you are old enough to procreate then you probably have your own story about how abortion touched your life - if not you personally, then a friend or relative. Abortion became legal twenty-six years ago, which is exactly how old I am. I sometimes wonder how many of my possible friends/mates were murdered. They are the ghost generation.

Anyway, here is my own abortion story, which thankfully has a happy ending. I can thank my parents for that; raising me to be pro-life. I think a lot of girls end up having abortions not knowing what the full impact will be. Enough dibble dabble. On with the story...

As I said, I was raised pro-life. You know: going to marches, forming human chains, writing multiple school papers on the topic, volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center. I had a file of pamphlets on the subject including graphic pictures. I was most proud of the paper I wrote in tenth grade called "How abortion hurts women". It won an honorable mention in a state-wide social studies competition here in liberal Massachusetts. That's the back-drop to the story.

When I went off to college I fell in love. Stereotypical "bad boy meets good girl". Almost a year later (at the young age of 17) I ended up pregnant. At this time in our relationship he was mentally abusive. I hesitate to even say that, but it's the truth, though things did get better. Anyway, he would play cruel games with me, pretending to break up with me, making me cry and beg him not to leave. Looking back it was so stupid. But I was in love. I couldn't live without him. So there I was pregnant and of course he wasn't ready for the responsibility.

He picked me up from work one day and took me out for a romantic picnic lunch; at which point he told me to have an abortion or he would break up with me. I'm sure he expected me to break down and cry and beg him not to leave, and of course, get an abortion. But he didn't realize he was dating one of the most pro-life girls in the state of Massachusetts. I knew everything about getting an abortion. I knew that girls who had abortions often couldn't love the man who made them do it, afterwards. I knew that I personally wouldn't be able to love him if I killed my baby for him. So I knew that abortion would definitely be the end to us. But if I kept the baby it might not be the end to us. I did offer to put the baby up for adoption if he didn't feel ready to raise a child. His reaction to that was comical: "I could never put my child up for adoption!" Me: "Oooooooooh Kaaaaaaaay. But you have no problem killing it?".

So he drops me back off at work and we hug goodbye, because he's still claiming to be breaking up with me. He cries. I leave. Inside I'm torn up. I'm pregnant and now alone too, but I know I'll make it. That night he calls back and makes up with me. So it was basically a bluff. Over the next few months his abusive ways come to an end. Maybe I can credit the baby for giving me a backbone. It was the first time I ever stood up to him... To make a long story short, we have the baby, we get married, we live happily ever after...

If only it were that simple. Now I'm twenty. We're married and living together and raising our beautiful two year old son. My husband works very hard to provide, but he's still hanging out with the wrong crowd and well, one thing lead to another and one day he is arrested for a pretty serious crime. He's facing twenty years in prison. All of a sudden my world crashes. I need to sequester a lawyer, visit my husband in jail, find a good paying job, move out of the apartment... oh and my bank account is overdrawn and I'm about to lose my husband and all my dreams for the next two decades. I'm angry, I'm scared, did I mention angry? Oh, and I'm pregnant. That's right. I got pregnant just hours before he was arrested. Actually it's a beautiful story. The cops came to arrest my husband but the address on our apartment door was mixed up with our neighbors. So they didn't find him and came back the next day. In that time we got pregnant. Looking back I can see God's plan. At the time it was just one more huge burden. When I told him I was pregnant he asked if I wanted an abortion. Of course he knew how I felt about them. I told him "no way". He never brought it up again. But he wasn't the only one to ask me that.

Over the next four years I worked miracles to keep my family together and to keep food on the table. I grew up a lot. And now my husband is home. You're probably wondering why I stayed with him. This story is a very one-sided view of him. Maybe the lesson here is that if men would act like men then abortion wouldn't be so much of an issue. When men act like little boys then women are left in difficult situations and abortion becomes an answer. I'm doing my part to fight abortion by raising three boys to be real men. But anyway, my husband is slowly growing up and he is really wonderful. He's the kind of guy that makes people say "How did she get him? She doesn't deserve him." But then, they don't know the whole story. My husband knows he's the lucky one to have me.

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  • At 12:29 AM, Blogger Anne Basso said…

    What a great story. I had a similar experience. But I came from a pro-choice home and my parents told me to expect no help from them. I begged for adoption, but no one wanted to support me in that. Despite my dispair, I aborted.

    I think of my baby often, who would be ten years old now. The Lord has taken my worst choices and made them good. But only when I gave them to Him.

    Thank you for sharing. I'd love it if more young women could make that choice. I'd love it if I could go back and make that choice.

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger Deena said…

    Anne, Your story is an example of how the pro-choice agenda isn't really about choice at all. It's about people not taking responsibility. It's so much easier to say "have an abortion", then to say "I'll be there for you and support you no matter what you choose.". I am so glad that God has granted your hearts desire for a beautiful family.


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