Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Friday, May 20, 2005

True Feminist/At home moms

I am happy to see some healthy debate in the comment section of my last blog.

I am a feminist in the true sense of the word - meaning that I want equality and respect and freedom for all women. I wanted to make that clear, since my readers might be confused. Of course the word "feminist" nowadays denotes a much more liberal meaning. For instance I am 100% pro-life. As a true feminist I would not support a procedure that destroys the very essence of womanhood (which is motherhood). Jesus was a feminist too.

"Do I have a problem with women in the working world?" you ask. Well when her children are young, yes. God designed women to be the caretakers of young children. That's why she has breasts. And you'd be lying if you said she didn't have a special bonding with her baby that not even the father can replicate. After all she carried her baby for nine months in her womb.

"But when the baby get's older? Or how about a childless wife? Do you have a problem with her working?", you ask. No, I don't. Assuming we're not talking about kids spending long hours in the daycare. I've had many jobs over the years... personal trainer, DJ, administrative assistant, nanny, life-guard (OK that's going way back). Anyway, I enjoyed the working world. And yes women deserve the choice that our freedoms have enabled us to have. But, and this is the big but... I am extremely frustrated by the lessoning of that choice. Meaning, it's getting harder and harder to stay home these days. First of all it's the economy. And it's the tax burden. You just can't raise kids on one income anymore. I should know. My husband and I just bought our first house [today :) ]. But the mortgage is outrageous. It's going to be really tough on one income. What pressure I have to just drop the baby off at a day-care and get a job. On top of that, there is subtle societal pressure. For instance... convenience foods/fast foods, cleaning services, landscapers, after school care, before school care are all accepted as normal and right. So what is the point of a woman staying home? There are "acceptable" replacements for all her duties. It is almost shameful to stay home now.

But that is where I disagree. Because mothers are the glue that hold a family together. And when you take them out of the home for 30-60 hours a week there isn't so much family left. And that, in my opinion is exactly what has happened in the past couple of decades and is the explanation for much of the society decay we have withnessed. Note: I've heard of families where the roles are reversed and I applaud that when it works successfully. But that is the exception, not the norm.

A while back I was talking to my friend about how I want to volunteer in my sons' classroom, on occasion, when he goes back to school. The problem is I can't bring my one year old with me. So I'd have to find someone to watch him. The obvious choice is another stay-at-home mom who could occassionally swap with me. The sad thing is that we wracked our brains and couldn't think of a single one who stays home with her kids. (The happy ending to my story is that my sister in law is now home so I bet I could swap with her).

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1 Comments:

  • At 11:09 AM, Blogger beth said…

    I agree with you Deena. It's an extremely rare occurence in our society today, and a very valuable one that will provide more stabilty, assurance, and support to the children who are being raised today. Since I am a single mom (which you know) my son goes to daycare a lot. It is sad, but true, essentially other people raise my son and see him 90% more than I do.

    Hey! I heard about this really cool thing that this guy at work was telling me about, which sounded similar to the lines you were talking about. He and his wife are from Germany and they live in Boston (so perhaps there are more families nearby to make this an option)... but he said he and his wife found four other families where the mothers were interested in working but the costs and ideals of day care were not to their liking. So the five families take turns watching the kids and each mom works part time during the week. Each of the moms watches the five kids one day a week. He said it got to be a little much so they voted in to hire an additional helper during the days and they all split the cost of a nanny type person (between five families)... so it's one mom and a nanny every day. I thought that was a great idea.... although, it still significantly limits the personal mom time with the kids - which was your point. oops. I guess, in a situation where money is the biggest significant factor that calls the woman to work, that would be one better than daycare.

    Although, I really do agree with you (even though my son's in daycare), that this is probably one of the single most influential factors in families falling apart today and all the insecurities kids grow up with now - Mom's not being there (at home) to raise their kids and provide the moral and parental support and guidance kids deserve and need on a large scale and direct basis daily.

    Keep up the blogs! Love em!
    Go girl!
    You are superhuman! (All moms are!)

    :) Beth

     

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